Paleontologists Have Finally Proven That Charlie From ‘It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia’ Was Right About Birds With Teeth
Stupid science bitches couldn’t make Charlie more smarter — probably because he was already way ahead of them.Choosing the smartest character on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia is a bit like selecting the least inbred member of the McPoyle family, but there’s a strong argument to be made that the janitor of Paddy’s Pub might be the brightest of them all, even despite his illiteracy, his inhalant-induced brain damage and whatever latent effects the failed abortion may have had on his IQ. He’s a master manipulator, having once tricked the entire gang into bribing the Waitress to go on a date with him, he’s an on-the-fly scheming savant, as demonstrated by the entire episode “Charlie Work,” and he’s more than a decade ahead of the entire biology, zoology and paleontology community, according to a recent bombshell revelation.In a study published by the scientific journal Current Biology, scientists from the Neguanee Integrative Research Center at the Field Museum in Chicago concluded that a prehistoric species of bird belonging to the genus Longipteryx was capable of eating fruit using teeth at the end of their beaks.Meanwhile, back in 2010, Charlie literally discovered birds with teeth in his sleep.In the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season Six episode “Charlie Kelly: King of the Rats,” the Paddy’s Pub gang plans a surprise party for Charlie on his not-birthday after Frank tries and fails to trick them into planning a birthday luau for himself. Among the gifts that Dennis, Mac and Dee create using Charlie’s dream journal is a bird with teeth. Charlie, with his inquisitive, scientific mind, wonders whether his friends found the toothed crow in the natural world, to which Dennis incorrectly replies that birds with teeth don’t exist.The paleontology community has now proven that Dennis the Bastard Man was in the wrong about the existence of birds with teeth — though, to be fair, the toothed bird species in question has been extinct for 120 million years. However, we can’t help but wonder what other scientific discoveries Charlie made that Dennis wrongfully shot down. For instance, are hornet nests guarding something delicious similar to honey?If and when the science bitches finally find a way to enable cats to talk to spiders, we hope that they’ll finally give Charlie his flowers.
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